What do the phrases Sherman tank, ticking bomb, handwringer, wonderful, entitled, perfect and bull-headed have in common?<\/p>\n
They are all unique descriptions for difficult people — Christians who can be found in just about any Southern Baptist church in the world, said Bob Sheffield, a conflict management\/mediation specialist for LifeWay Christian Resources of the Southern Baptist Convention.<\/p>\n
\u201cDifficult people can be pastors, Sunday school teachers, deacons, staff members, church members and pastors\u2019 wives,\u201d Sheffield said. \u201cThe church is not an institution or organization; it is the people. If we can do everything else right within the church and not have good relationships, then something is dreadfully wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n
Because ministers are \u201cin the people business,\u201d they should know how to get along with difficult people, Sheffield said. And to do that, they must understand a little about their own personal history.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe don\u2019t come to our relationships in a vacuum,\u201d he said. \u201cHow we relate to people has to do with our own history of relating.\u201d<\/p>\n
Issues to look at include:<\/p>\n
\u2022 family of origin<\/p>\n
\u2022 personal relationship history<\/p>\n
\u2022 age group influences<\/p>\n
\u2022 genetic emotional makeup<\/p>\n
\u2022 current peer\/support\/work group<\/p>\n
\u2022 sense of call, type (or personality) of church they grew up in<\/p>\n
\u2022 spiritual health<\/p>\n
\u201cMost of the problems of difficult people come out of their emotional or spiritual immaturity,\u201d Sheffield said. \u201cBut all of these things impact how we experience a person in the moment and how we deal with conflict.\u201d<\/p>\n
Almost everybody has one or two difficult people in their lives, he said, and that is especially true of church leaders.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe can\u2019t change our difficult person. You just have to learn to relate to him or her,\u201d Sheffield said. \u201cWith God\u2019s help we can relate to anybody, but that doesn\u2019t mean we are going to like everybody equally well.\u201d<\/p>\n
Some general characteristics of difficult people include:<\/p>\n
\u2022 They are provocative or quarrelsome.<\/p>\n
\u2022 They seek to gain an advantage in situations.<\/p>\n
\u2022 They have a low self-image, even though they may look like egotists.<\/p>\n
\u2022 They have a tendency to be devious, deceptive and\/or manipulative.<\/p>\n
\u2022 They are unpredictable, even to themselves.<\/p>\n
\u2022 They are unimaginative.<\/p>\n
\u2022 They could have low-grade depression.<\/p>\n
\u2022 They are gifted in creating dissension.<\/p>\n
Sheffield places difficult people in unique descriptor categories, like:<\/p>\n
\u2022 The BULL-HEADED. \u201cThe number one reason pastors in the SBC are forcibly terminated is over the issue of who is going to control the church,\u201d Sheffield said. \u201cSome people are just thick-headed. You cannot disturb them with the facts.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 The BUSHWHACKER. \u201cThese are the passive aggressive people, and you need to figure out who they are. They come at you from the back. They are the ones who start the gossip.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 The SHERMAN TANK. \u201cThese are usually people with a lot of power, and they didn\u2019t get it overnight. So, you have to figure out how to work with them without butting heads.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 The TICKING BOMB. \u201cThey have latent hostility. They are going to go off. If somebody reacts in this over-the-top way, you might stop to ask yourself, \u2018I wonder what\u2019s going on in his or her life.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 The LONE RANGER. \u201cThey like to do everything themselves. And they can be difficult, particularly if you need a team effort. It\u2019s particularly tough if your pastor is lone ranger.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 The WARLORD. \u201cThis is a person who is behind everything. They are running the show, but you seldom see them. They are decision-makers and opinion shapers.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 The WONDERFUL. \u201cThis is an individual who most people think is just fine and dandy, but you can\u2019t stand because of some ways they rub you. And you can\u2019t understand why others don\u2019t see that this person is not really all that wonderful.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 The CRITIC. \u201cThe critic is always looking for things they can criticize. It\u2019s not hard to spot the critic because they are going to point out your mistakes. But don\u2019t dismiss them. You can learn from them. Also, don\u2019t buy into the fact you are as bad as they make you out to be.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 The SUPERIOR. \u201cWhat\u2019s so maddening about them is they are in some ways superior. It\u2019s just that they keep rubbing it in. You don\u2019t want to get in a competitive mode with superior.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 The PERFECT. \u201cHe never makes a mistake. They are just perfect, and you\u2019re not. They are perfect because they stand on shoulders of the imperfect around them. They have to bring people down around them.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 The ENTITLED. \u201cThey feel like they have a right to do whatever they feel like.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 The DIFFERENT. They are difficult because they are different in some way: attitude, ethnicity, age group.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 The PIONEER. \u201cThey were there first. And you can\u2019t do anything about it because they were there first.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 The THUNDERSTORM. \u201cThey have a lot of lightening and a lot of thunder, but not much rain. They are loud and gruff. Don\u2019t try to out shout them. Lower your voice when they raise theirs.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 The LUKEWARM. \u201cThey drive me absolutely nuts. They are neither for or against apathy.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 The HANDWRINGER. These are the Chicken Littles of the world. Very positive folks find them very difficult to handle.\u201d<\/p>\n
Sheffield listed four ways to confront and, hopefully, diffuse difficult people.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Develop gentleness rather than impulsiveness. \u201cLet the Holy Spirit develop the gentle spirit within you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 Let the mind of Christ guide you in all of our relationships. \u201cJesus took on the form of a servant, a bond slave. Take the same attitude as Christ Jesus.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 Commit yourself to personal intervention. \u201cTry to talk to the person about the issue in private.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2022 \u201cPray, pray, pray. You need for God to guide you even as you begin to think about what you are going to do.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
What do the phrases Sherman tank, ticking bomb, handwringer, wonderful, entitled, perfect and bull-headed have in common? They are all unique descriptions for difficult people — Christians who can be found in just about any Southern Baptist church in the world, said Bob Sheffield, a conflict management\/mediation specialist for LifeWay Christian Resources of the Southern […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2619,1344,1627,5175],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.churchedge.com\/illustrations\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7290"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.churchedge.com\/illustrations\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.churchedge.com\/illustrations\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.churchedge.com\/illustrations\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.churchedge.com\/illustrations\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7290"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.churchedge.com\/illustrations\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7290\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.churchedge.com\/illustrations\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7290"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.churchedge.com\/illustrations\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7290"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.churchedge.com\/illustrations\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7290"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}