A few years ago I found some relevant wisdom on evangelism and spiritual transformation in an unlikely place: Forbes Magazine. The article was entitled \u201cThe 3 Most Powerful Ways to Change People Who Don\u2019t Want to Change,\u201d by therapist and life coach Kathy Caprino.[1]<\/p>\n
Over the years, she has studied the root causes of behavioral roadblocks and why people have such a hard time changing, even if it is likely to improve the quality of their life. Whether trying to lose 20 pounds, successfully quit smoking, or even just flossing each day, most people fail to reach their goals.<\/p>\n
In fact, dieters in the U.S. spend $40 billion a year to lose weight, but 19 out of 20 (95%) lose nothing but their money.<\/p>\n
To show that there are ways to help people successfully make changes, Caprino cited an experiment documented in a YouTube video done a few years ago by behavioral scientists David Maxfield and Joe Grenney.<\/p>\n
In it, two 12-year-old boys tried to persuade smokers they encountered on the street to stop smoking. Their first approach was to hand out tracts on the dangers of smoking to every person with a cigarette in their hand and try to explain to them why they should quit smoking. The researchers followed up behind the boys, and found that 90% of the recipients had responded negatively and resentfully. They called this the \u201clecture approach.\u201d<\/p>\n
Then, the two boys were sent out again with what they called the \u201cinfluential question\u201d approach. The boys had cigarettes in their own hand and asked anyone they saw smoking if they would give them a light. Almost every time, the smokers declined to give them a light and told the boys why they shouldn\u2019t smoke.<\/p>\n
The boys would follow up with another question: \u201cIf smoking is bad for us, what about you? Why are you smoking?\u201d<\/p>\n
In this second approach, you see a receptivity and a dialogue unfold where the smokers are open and more receptive to talk without defensiveness. When the researchers followed up with this second group of smokers, 90% of these smokers committed to try to stop smoking! What a difference in the two approaches. But why did the second approach work?<\/p>\n
Caprino interviewed Maxfield to explore this question. Maxfield identified common mistakes we often make when attempting to change behavior.<\/p>\n
One of the biggest mistakes we make is \u2018attacking\u2019 people with information and lecturing them. We assume that if they knew more, they would change. Instead, he says, \u201cWhen you\u2019re trying to influence people who need motivation, not information, don\u2019t offer more information. Instead, work to create a safe environment where they can explore motivations they already have.\u201d<\/p>\n
The way to do this is not with speeches, but with good questions. The boys allowed the smokers to feel safe and to acknowledge their own ambivalence about their behavior. The premise is that if we stop forcing people to take the wrong side of the argument by lecturing them (psychologists call this \u201creactance\u201d), but instead use questions to explore their own motivations at their own pace, we\u2019re much more likely to see them open up to our point of view.<\/p>\n
How does this relate to evangelism?<\/p>\n
Our tendency as Christians is to use a lecture approach. It\u2019s not that a lecture approach is bad or wrong. If 10% of the people who hear the information about the gospel will receive it, then when appropriate, we should continue with that approach as God leads. The Apostle Paul reminds us in 1 Peter 3:15 that we should \u201calways be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.\u201d<\/p>\n
In church services on Sunday, or when the Holy Spirit prompts you to personally share the gospel, if someone is expected to preach the gospel or asks you to give a reason for the hope you have, the lecture or \u2018telling\u2019 approach is appropriate and effective. People are showing you they are ready to receive that information.<\/p>\n
But if the other 90% are more receptive to a question approach, then we should also be ready to adjust our personal evangelism style by asking influential questions. This enables people to safely explore what they believe in respectful dialogue.<\/p>\n
While we see both approaches in Jesus\u2019 earthly ministry, He was a master at the question approach, asking more than 300 questions in the four Gospels.<\/p>\n
For example, in Mark 10 we read a remarkable exchange between Jesus and Bartimaeus. Bartimaeus, a blind man, was sitting beside the road as Jesus walked by, shouting for his attention over the din of a crowd. Others told him to be quiet. But when Jesus heard him, he stopped, told the people to bring the blind man over, and asked him, \u201cWhat do you want me to do for you?\u201d (Mark 10:51).<\/p>\n
Jesus didn\u2019t ask many questions, or even a particularly profound question. His question was simple. Rather than assuming this man wanted to be able to see, Jesus asked a question that allowed Bartimaeus the dignity of communicating what he most desired \u2014 to see.<\/p>\n
And in that moment, Bartimaeus was given the chance to reveal his faith in Jesus as He healed him.<\/p>\n
How about you? Are you attentive to the Holy Spirit\u2019s leading and prepared to use a question versus a lecture approach some of the time? Like Jesus with the blind man Bartimaeus, we may find that the influential question approach often gives others a better chance to reveal their deepest need and make faith decisions that will ultimately transform their entire lives.<\/p>\n
________<\/p>\n
1. < https:\/\/www.forbes.com\/sites\/kathycaprino\/2015\/02\/06\/the-3-most-powerful-ways-to-change-people-who-dont-want-to-change\/#75d8b0714111 >.<\/p>\n
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\n[Original illustration at this number was a duplicate of HolwickID #24404]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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