The suicide death of a beloved colleague after a sexual addiction came to light drove the New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary community to their knees in prayer last August. They rose determined to help others caught in pornography and sexual addiction.<\/p>\n
\u201cRecalibrate,\u201d a campus-wide conference with Greg Miller of Faithful & True, a ministry to those impacted by sexual addictions, came together as a response to the death of John Gibson, longtime professor at NOBTS\u2019 Leavell College on the opening day of classes on Aug. 24, 2015.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe have come to the realization through a most tragic event here on our campus that secret sin has a devastating impact,\u201d dean Thomas Strong wrote. \u201cWe want to start a conversation on breaking the power of secret sin\u201d — a conversation \u201cseasoned with redemption and hope.\u201d<\/p>\n
Miller, speaking to a full audience in Leavell Chapel, said 50 percent of Christian men and 20 percent of Christian women self-report they are \u201caddicted to porn.\u201d Self-reported statistics, he added, typically skew low. By age 18, \u201cvirtually all\u201d teens have been exposed to porn, either intentionally or unintentionally, Miller said.<\/p>\n
Shame leads to secrecy which then fuels the addiction, Miller said. \u201cYour first addiction is isolation,\u201d he noted. \u201cSecrecy is necessary for it to grow.\u201d<\/p>\n
Confidential counseling has been made available to the NOBTS community through the Leeke Magee Christian Counseling Center on campus with credentialed faculty members as well as master\u2019s and doctoral students under the direction of state-licensed supervisors.<\/p>\n
Kathy Steele, NOBTS professor of psychology and counseling and director of the seminary\u2019s clinical training program, told the audience, \u201cWe\u2019re all wounded and this is an area we\u2019ve not done very well in. We\u2019re determined to change that. This [conference] is a first step.\u201d<\/p>\n
Pastors and \u201cstrong Christians\u201d can fall prey to secret addictions and extramarital affairs if anger and past experiences are left unresolved, Steele said. To promote emotional health, faculty members this year studied together the book \u201cThe Emotionally Healthy Leader\u201d by Peter Scazzero.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe day has to be over where a pastor\u2019s wife says that she sees one man in the pulpit and another at home,\u201d Steele said. \u201cIf you\u2019re not who you say you are, you\u2019re not emotionally healthy. That has to change. No wonder the church is powerless.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2018Drinking salty water\u2019<\/p>\n
Miller told conference attendees, \u201cLust is the thirsty person drinking salt water,\u201d with pornography only intensifying the thirst.<\/p>\n
Sexual addiction is not about sex, but rather the way sex is used to meet deeply felt needs in harmful ways, Miller said.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat are you escaping from? What are you escaping to?\u201d are the questions he challenges addicts to answer.<\/p>\n
Pornography changes brain chemistry in the same way that drug use changes an addict\u2019s brain, Miller said, drawing from the work of Patrick Carnes, internationally recognized sex addiction expert. Pornography use leads to tolerance, then to escalation of behaviors and \u201cacting out,\u201d Miller said.<\/p>\n
Miller told of being a recovering sexual addict who lost his church staff position and community standing and nearly lost his marriage as a result of sexual addiction that took root in personal feelings of inadequacy after being exposed to pornography at age 10.<\/p>\n
Feelings of unworthiness, a self-dependence for nurture, and believing their greatest need is sex or that sex best meets needs are core beliefs of sex addicts, Miller said.<\/p>\n
\u201cAddiction is trying to meet a legitimate need in an illegitimate way,\u201d Miller said. \u201cWe have to dismantle what\u2019s driving the addiction.\u201d<\/p>\n
Finding hope<\/p>\n
Owning one\u2019s story is an important step toward recovery, Miller said, noting that people trapped in sexual addictions often are \u201cdisconnected\u201d from the reality of the hurt their addiction has caused.<\/p>\n
\u201cTruth can be painful, but even painful truth can set you free,\u201d Miller said. \u201cTruth creates space for grace.\u201d<\/p>\n
Miller told of the tearful reunion with his in-laws after his sexual addiction became public and how their expression of love and grace transformed his concept of God. \u201cMaybe the God they love can love me,\u201d Miller realized.<\/p>\n
Sexual addictions arise from a combination of events and experiences unique to each individual, rather than originating from a single, common experience, Miller said. But helping addicts see that they are \u201c100 percent\u201d responsible for their behavior is empowering, Miller added, because they then realize they have a hope for change.<\/p>\n
Dependence on God is the only way to recovery, Miller emphasized. \u201cGod is bigger than this,\u201d he said. \u201cThere is life beyond.\u201d<\/p>\n
Resources for help<\/p>\n
In a culture where pornography is as close as the cellphone, Steele\u2019s counsel to parents and churches included:<\/p>\n
1. Pornography and sexual addictions are rampant. Even unintentional exposure can be a hook. Parents and churches must stay alert.<\/p>\n
2. Secrecy must end. Pornography and sexual addictions need to addressed as any other sin is addressed: how to avoid; how to look away; how to find help with an addiction.<\/p>\n
Recommended resources at the conference include the \u201cConquer Series\u201d from the organization Pure Desires is a video-driven resource for which training is not required. Greg Miller recommended \u201cHealing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction\u201d by Mark Laaser, founder of Faithful & True based in Eden Prairie, Minn., and \u201cShattered Vows\u201d by Deb Laaser, also of Faithful & True, a book for wives of men with sexual addictions.<\/p>\n
________<\/p>\n
Marilyn Stewart is assistant director of public relations at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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