You want to know one reason why so many Christian marriages end up in divorce?<\/p>\n
Ronald Reagan once quipped that the trouble with his political opponents, \u201cis not that they are ignorant. It\u2019s just that they know so much that isn\u2019t so.\u201d<\/p>\n
Well, I\u2019ve had a bee in my bonnet for years over something that far too many of my fellow Christians believe in that just isn\u2019t so. I speak, gentle listener, of the whole \u201csoul mate\u201d nonsense, especially when it comes to finding a husband or wife.<\/p>\n
Let me be perfectly clear: No matter how many ads for Christian dating services you hear or trendy books you read, we simply don\u2019t have \u201csoul mates,\u201d at least as our confused culture understands that term. Does this surprise you? It shouldn\u2019t. Look for that concept, by the way, in the Bible, and the only thing you can find remotely close to it is the fierce friendship of David and Jonathan. \u201cJonathan made a covenant with David,\u201d Scripture says, \u201cbecause he loved him as his own soul.\u201d<\/p>\n
Now those are soul mates, friends. But the Bible knows nothing of romantic \u201csoul mates.\u201d This concept is more New Age than Christian. The Huffington Post gives nine signs that you\u2019ve found your soul mate, the first one being: \u201cYou communicate without speaking.\u201d Okay. One New Age website, however, gives three signs you\u2019ve \u201cdefinitely\u201d found your soul mate: \u201cYou just connect without trying,\u201d \u201cYour level of communication is unmatched,\u201d and \u201cYou create your own world together.\u201d<\/p>\n
That\u2019s cute, it\u2019s nice, maybe it\u2019s even romantic … but it\u2019s certainly not biblical.<\/p>\n
Now all of this confusion might be kind of funny if it weren\u2019t so harmful to na\u00efve Christians and others who\u2019ve fallen for this idea. Because this idea implies that somewhere out there is that \u201cperfect person\u201d for you, and if your marriage is not exploding with intense communication, romance, and a great sex life, well then maybe it\u2019s because your spouse is not your \u201csoul mate.\u201d<\/p>\n
Men who are a little bored with their wives, or vice versa, might be tempted by a co-worker who \u201cunderstands me so well and is my soul mate, or could be my soul mate.\u201d But frankly, this is a recipe for adultery and divorce, and families end up getting dropped for \u201csoul mates.\u201d<\/p>\n
Once I wrote a tribute to C.S. Lewis\u2019s \u201cThe Screwtape Letters\u201d called \u201cScrewtape Proposes a Divorce,\u201d in which Wasphead, my invented senior devil, says the following to Gallstone, the junior devil: \u201cThat [soul mates] do not exist is to be kept TOP SECRET… Let\u2019s be blunt: these humans are scouring the globe for someone with whom a relationship will require absolutely no work or compromise… Many adult humans who have long ago dismissed Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny as myths somehow persist in believing this person to exist.\u201d<\/p>\n
The \u201csoul mate\u201d concept is unworkable and completely unfair to the real other person in your life. It puts enormous pressure on him or her to perform, to meet our impossible expectations. As Jerry Root and Stan Guthrie point out in \u201cThe Sacrament of Evangelism,\u201d putting others in God\u2019s place \u2014 expecting them to give us what only He can \u2014 is a naked form of idolatry and will only lead to deep disappointment.<\/p>\n
Here\u2019s another thing. The \u201csoul mate\u201d idea suggests that marriage is all about me, that I need to find someone who understands me perfectly, who makes me happy. Marriage should be about finding someone you can make happy. In the great teaching on marriage in Ephesians, for example, husbands are told to lay down their lives for their wives, as Christ did for the church.<\/p>\n
As J. R. R. Tolkien once wrote to his son, \u201cNo man, however truly he loved his betrothed and bride as a young man has lived faithful to her as a wife in mind and body without deliberate conscious exercise of the will, without self-denial.\u201d<\/p>\n
So folks, let\u2019s drop the whole \u201csoul mate\u201d talk, shall we? Marriage can be wonderfully satisfying, but that\u2019s the result of God\u2019s grace, hard work, and self-sacrificial love. And that is the truth.<\/p>\n
________<\/p>\n
Resources:<\/p>\n
The Four Loves
\nC. S. Lewis | Harvest Books | June 1971<\/p>\n
Screwtape Proposes a Divorce
\nEric Metaxas
\n< http:\/\/ericmetaxas.com\/writing\/essays\/screwtape-proposes-divorce\/ ><\/p>\n
Letters to Michael Tolkien
\nJ. R. R. Tolkien | 1941<\/p>\n
9 Signs You’ve Found Your Soulmate (If You Believe In That Sort Of Thing)
\nKelsey Borresen | The Huffington Post | June 26, 2014
\n< http:\/\/www.huffingtonpost.com\/2014\/06\/26\/finding-soulmate_n_5501502.html ><\/p>\n
The Sacrament of Evangelism
\nBy: Jerry Root, Stan Guthrie
\n________<\/p>\n
Copyright (c) 2015 Prison Fellowship Ministries. Reprinted with permission. “BreakPoint” is a radio ministry of Prison Fellowship Ministries.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
You want to know one reason why so many Christian marriages end up in divorce? Ronald Reagan once quipped that the trouble with his political opponents, \u201cis not that they are ignorant. It\u2019s just that they know so much that isn\u2019t so.\u201d Well, I\u2019ve had a bee in my bonnet for years over something that […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[26,68,3818,22,3819,3820],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.churchedge.com\/illustrations\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6190"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.churchedge.com\/illustrations\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.churchedge.com\/illustrations\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.churchedge.com\/illustrations\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.churchedge.com\/illustrations\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6190"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.churchedge.com\/illustrations\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6190\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.churchedge.com\/illustrations\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6190"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.churchedge.com\/illustrations\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6190"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.churchedge.com\/illustrations\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6190"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}