Periodically, our culture re-discovers that the male of the species also has problems and needs. For example, a recent NEWSWEEK cover story was about \u201cthe trouble with boys.\u201d<\/p>\n
But no one has gone as far to understand the needs and feelings of men as Norah Vincent.<\/p>\n
Vincent’s new book, A SELF-MADE MAN, is about her search for what she calls the \u201cunspoken codes of male experience.\u201d Specifically, she wanted to know how men spoke and acted when women were not around.<\/p>\n
So, she lifted weights; took voice lessons; got a flat-top haircut; and learned to apply fake stubble to her face. The result of this preparation was a male alter ego called \u201cNed.\u201d<\/p>\n
For the next eighteen months, Norah passed herself off as Ned. She joined a men’s bowling league and played on a team whose other members included a construction worker, a repairman, and a plumber. She attended \u201cmen’s movement\u201d retreats, where she beat on drums and did tribal dances, and spent time at a monastery.<\/p>\n
And of course, she explored what passes for male sexuality in contemporary culture. She went to strip clubs with the \u201cother guys.\u201d And she went on \u201cdates\u201d with women.<\/p>\n
The experience took its toll on Vincent: She eventually had a psychological breakdown that required hospitalization. But she came away with an increased appreciation of, and even sympathy toward, men. Some of her \u201cdiscoveries\u201d were unintentionally hilarious, like her realization that her bowling buddies weren’t sexist bigots \u2014 they were generous men who adored their wives and daughters.<\/p>\n
On a more substantive note, Vincent, who is a lesbian, calls the expectations placed on men by women \u201cmaddening.\u201d Men carry an unspoken \u201cpresumption of guilt\u201d in the eyes of many women. Even if they overcome this presumption of guilt, they still have to deal with what Vincent calls the \u201cwarrior\/minstrel complex\u201d \u2014 the idea that they are to be rugged as a Viking raider and as sensitive as a medieval troubadour.<\/p>\n
In the end, Vincent sees men as \u201cvictims of the patriarchy\u201d who are being poisoned by the \u201ctoxicity of gender roles.\u201d And she’s left rephrasing Professor Higgins’s question in MY FAIR LADY \u2014 Why can’t a man be more like a woman? \u2014 which is, of course, the ultimate goal of gender-blurring.<\/p>\n
The answer is that the differences between men and women transcend psychology and gender roles. While Vincent’s efforts taught what it’s like to be TREATED as a man, she’s still has no idea what it’s like to BE a man.<\/p>\n
For instance, her experiences gave her a new appreciation for fatherhood. What they couldn’t do was MAKE her a father. All her preparation left her clueless about the most important part of what it means to be a man.<\/p>\n
To her credit, Vincent senses that there’s something missing from her account. She wonders if there’s a \u201cpreprogrammed and possibly inescapable grammar of gender burned on our brains.\u201d<\/p>\n
Well, yes. What Vincent calls an \u201cinescapable grammar\u201d is what Christians call \u201cmale and female created He them.\u201d Since our denial of this \u201cgrammar\u201d lies behind many of the problems that Vincent documents, the solution begins with something more profound than makeup and a haircut: It’s understanding that, ultimately, men are created, not made.<\/p>\n
________<\/p>\n
Copyright (c) 2006 Prison Fellowship Ministries. Reprinted with permission. “BreakPoint with Chuck Colson” is a radio ministry of Prison Fellowship Ministries.<\/p>\n
*<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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