A pastor did an entire message on these seven “C’s” called “A Marriage Survival Kit.” He called this the Battle of the Seven C’s. Every one of these things are things that you have done and I have done. From now on these are out of bounds.
1. NEVER COMPARE. Don’t say “Why can’t you be like her husband…” or “You’re just like … “It’s unfair to compare. God made every person unique.
2. NEVER CONDEMN. Don’t use phrase like, “You always…” or “You never… You ought to… You should… You ought to be ashamed of yourself.” Lay on the guilt, play the conscious. That’s God’s job to be their conscience not yours.
3. NEVER COMMAND. Don’t try to end an argument by force. “I demand that you do what I say! “If you don’t do this then I will this … “I command you to do this…” Don’t try to be a parent to your spouse. Don’t make demands it causes temperatures to be raised.
4. NEVER CHALLENGE. Threats. “Just try that and see what happens!” Don’t threaten, challenge, cool your guns. The three most common threats in marriage are: sex, money, divorce. Rule those out as deadly weapons in your marriage. Don’t threaten to withhold sex, or go blow all the money, or go see a lawyer. That is a mark of immaturity. Let’s grow up and not use that.
5. NEVER CONDESCEND. Never treat that person as less than they really are, as an inferior. Don’t put them down. Don’t ridicule them for their feelings or their logic or whatever. Above all, don’t play psychologist. “I know why you said that… You said that because…” Most of us have a difficult enough time figuring out our own motives much less figure out another person’s. Don’t prejudge motives. That’s definitely playing God. “Judge nothing before the appointed time.” 1 Corinthians 4:5
6. NEVER CONTRADICT. Never interrupt in the middle of a sentence. When we do that we are not really listening. We are just thinking of refuting. Don’t cut each other off. Treat each other with consideration. “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” James 1:19
7. NEVER CONFUSE. This is when you bring up unrelated issues in the middle of the argument. Often you do this intentionally to sidetrack people. Some of you are very good at this. You learn this skill when you are a teenager. Mom and Dad ask you where you were and you look at your Mom, did you get your hair trimmed – it looks so nice. When you’re in an argument that you know you’re losing you bring up something unrelated and they start arguing about that. You keep switching the argument because you realize you’re losing. Stick with the issue. Don’t confuse people.
Let me summarize these seven things in one sentence: Attack the issue, not each other. Proverbs 11:29 (Living Bible) “The fool who provokes his family to anger and resentment will finally have nothing worthwhile left.”