Some people are overdependent. Should Christians support them? Sometimes assistance can do more harm than good. However, it is better to err on the side of mercy.
Indications of harmful overdependence:
1. How long in need?
2. Does God give an impression of their situation?
3. How bold are they?
4. How persistent are they?
5. Do they blame others or offer other excuses?
When giving is not loving.
1. If giving reinforces weakness.
Woman used suicide attempts to get attention. The church stopped
visiting her in the hospital, and she stopped doing it.
2. If giving indulges childishness.
Generosity can prompt immature people to become demanding, ungrateful,
and disrespectful, just as the Corinthians treated Paul because he
supported himself.
3. If giving enables sin.
Al-Anon counsels against being an “enabler” who covers up for an
alcoholic. One church had a young man who was unemployed and lived
with church families. They confronted him with 2 Thess 3 and he moved
to another family, then another church. Finally he came back to the
original church and got a job.
4. If giving allows others to burn out or be neglected.
Women helped an invalid who used them, then the volunteers burned out
and helped no one.
How to wean.
1. Be sure we have proved our concern.
Help people financially, but each time increase their responsibility.
2. Verbally affirm our concern when we must say no.
3. Point out that giving them a boost has not helped, and discuss why that
may be the case. Explain that love demands we do what’s best, even when
it hurts.
4. Instead of knocking out all the props at once, decrease them
progressively.
5. Focus on answers rather than rehearsing the problem.
As long as people are consumed with their needs, their dependency will
remain.
6. Do not treat ongoing needs as emergencies.
7. Pray with them and teach them to pray for themselves.
Richard was homeless, church put him up. He did not look for work so
they rebuked him. He moved out, dated and milked a girl in the church.
They rebuked him again. He moved away. Pastor ran into him, he said
he had no relationship with God. Recently Richard phoned from Ohio to
say he was “living for Jesus.” He is attending a strong church,
working, and is married.
The overdependent frequently flee when handled stoutly, but that same
firmness, and not softness, is what helps them most.