THE WOUNDED MALE SOUL
The work of Promise Keepers and other groups in the Christian men’s movement has arisen against the backdrop of a waning secular men’s movement. The late eighties and early nineties saw white baby boomers displaying a frenzy of interest over the perplexing puzzle of being a man in America. Sociologists and journalists were soon tracking the activity of a phenomenon that sought to get men in touch with themselves. The movement’s books shot high on the bestseller lists, and men lined up in droves to attend seminars and run around bare-chested during tribal-oriented “Wild Man” weekends. Some called it a reaction to the feminist establishment; others saw it as a way for men to be both vulnerable and aggressive without being lambasted for wimpiness or insensitivity.
In the long run, however, the secular men’s movement turned out to be more effective at identifying problems — confusion over the meaning of masculinity, the disappearance of fathers, the need for older men to mentor boys as they grow into manhood — than at providing solutions.
“The Christian men’s movement is not a spiritualized version of the secular men’s movement; it is the men’s movement,” says Stu Weber, a pastor and author of the book “Tender Warrior.” “I think the secular movement has come and gone because it didn’t have anywhere to go. You can only go so far with myths and tribal lore. Eventually, you’ve got to get to the Genesis spring, which is a Judeo-Christian foundation.”
Many of the speakers refer to what is called the wounded male soul. This woundedness springs from the cultural estrangement of boys from their fathers and the emotional repression American culture has deemed necessary for true maleness.
Like Rotundo, Oliver, who wrote the book “Real Men Have Feelings Too,” believes the Industrial Revolution is at the heart of the present dilemma. “It changed the meaning of manhood in America,” he explains. “Men left their homes and farms to work in factories and offices. Through much of our history, child rearing was shared by men and women. With industrialization, child rearing became a ‘feminine thing.’ Boys no longer had their father’s physical presence as a model and a source for their ideals and identity.”
Oliver adds that industrialization accelerated the pace of living, creating a major social shift from stability and community to insecurity and detachment. “I think this process caused men to lose touch with what it meant to be a husband, a father, a friend-and a person.”
The results can be seen at every hand in our society. The expectation for men to be the prime breadwinners in our society has driven them to correlate their self-worth with their earnings. And cultural images of John Wayne and Arnold Schwarzenegger taint perceptions of what a “real man” is, often leading men to buy into the strong and silent approach to life. All of this has led to men who are disconnected from their families and themselves.
And yet, as men try to overcome this legacy of inexpressiveness and emotional distance, they are faced with conflicting expectations. On the one hand, men are told — whether directly or implicitly — to be gentle and compassionate. On the other hand, the message urges acting strong and taking responsibility. Men must somehow navigate between being lions and lambs.
Some observers, like Steve Farrar, would say that the church sometimes errs on the side of gentleness. “Traits like tenderness and sensitivity are very important, but I think we sometimes elevate those over other traits like courage and aggressiveness.” True manhood, believes Farrar, should be gleaned from the example of Jesus. “Jesus could be tender and gentle, but Jesus could also walk in and clear out a corrupted temple.”
But is there a real biblical model of gender for understanding what it means to be a Christian man or woman? According to theologian Lewis Smedes, probably not: “Men’s and women’s roles may be situationally different and have different forms of expression, but the Bible is mainly interested in the moral and spiritual qualities of a human being.” Smedes, who recently retired from Fuller Theological Seminary, suggests that following Christ is a gender-neutral calling: “That which is important about Jesus being a model is not his modeling of maleness but his modeling of humanity.”
Promise Keepers has already entered into the tricky task of showing that feminine virtues and masculine virtues need not be a conflict in the lives of Christian men. But in a day when many men buy into the idea that being active in the church means putting one’s masculinity on hold in favor of characteristics associated with femininity (nurturing, servanthood, vulnerability), will men receive Promise Keepers’ version of the story? The thousands of teary-eyed, hand-holding men gathered in Boulder seemed to.
THE COACH
The climax of many of the Promise Keepers meetings comes with the rallying address of founding Promise Keeper Bill McCartney. Most of the men refer to him as “Coach McCartney,” which seems appropriate given the inspirational, locker-room brand of pep talk he delivers.
“We’re calling men of God to battle – we will retreat no more,” the coach declares. “We’re going to contest anything that sets itself up against the name of Jesus Christ.” The men respond with deafening cheers and standing ovations.
Although Coach McCartney can inspire thousands to stand up for Jesus, it does not take long to realize that these men are not flocking around him because of his charismatic oratory. After several minutes, his speeches begin to take on a rambling quality that makes one understand quickly why his first job was football. What gives McCartney such influence among thousands of men is his image as a championship-winning football coach who has taken a very public stand about his faith and about being a good husband and father.
Many, like Gary Oliver, see McCartney as the spark that has set the Christian men’s movement ablaze. “This movement was beginning in churches across the country on a smaller scale throughout the eighties,” says Oliver. “For years we’ve had Ed Cole, Gary Smalley, John Trent, and James Dobson writing and speaking on these issues. But the burden that God gave to Bill McCartney opened the whole thing up. It gave direction and clarity to it.”
Observes Ken Canfield, “Bill McCartney has been honest about issues he has struggled with, and he has spoken very clearly about how the Lord can change a man’s life.”
Without question, Christian men are proud to claim such a strong man as one of their own. Suddenly, being a Christian is for tough guys, too. “If he can be outspoken about his faith, heck, so can I,” exclaimed a fired-up Promise Keeper.
The coach is someone men can identify with. Indeed, the essence of many a Promise Keeper’s experience can be found in McCartney’s own story of how he allowed work to come between him and his family. He took over a football program that was going nowhere and produced a national championship; yet, in the midst of all the fanfare, at the very peak of success, he realized how he was failing to fulfill his roles as a husband and father-and chose to do something about it.
In the process, he has been very candid about his then-teenage daughter’s pregnancy (the father was one of his star football players) and his own share of responsibility for her actions. When she needed him, he had not been there.
In a tragic, but triumphant story, McCartney eventually led that football star who fathered his grandchild to Christ just before the young man died from an inoperable stomach cancer.
Recently, McCartney made headlines again by unexpectedly resigning from his coaching position at the University of Colorado while still at the top of the game, explaining that it was presently the best thing for his family.
As a result of his very public spiritual pilgrimage, McCartney has taken beatings for his outspoken pro-life views and for his denunciation of the homosexual lifestyle — a daring stance in ultra-liberal Boulder. Consequently, homosexual-rights groups have picketed the Boulder conferences for the past two years; during the 1994 meeting, poet Allen Ginsburg led a “diversity rally” targeting Promise Keepers’ “anti-gay” and “anti-women” agenda.
Still, McCartney continues to lead the charge for a return to Christian values among men. “It’s time for men who love Christ to stand up and make their presence felt,” he says. And, because of his example, thousands and thousands of men are taking the call seriously.
KEEPING THE PROMISE
Building on five years of sustained growth, from a small local assembly to six regional conventions, Promise Keepers has bold ambitions. International conferences are being devised, and plans are in the works to assemble 1 million men in Washington, D.C., in 1996 to pray for the nation.
Every area of the Promise Keepers organization is expanding. The group has gone from 29 staff members in 1993 to 150 full-time employees in 1994, and in that same period, its annual budget has risen from $4 million to $22 million.
But Phillips is quick to explain that it is not Promise Keepers’ purpose to grow big simply for the sake of numbers. “We do not want to build a monument. We want to serve this movement as a mission. It becomes a monument when the focus turns to personalities or the organization. It becomes a mission when it’s focused on God’s purpose to honor his Son through the church and bring millions to the person of Christ.”
So far, Promise Keepers has maintained its commitment to build up the local church through empowering pastors. The last two Boulder conferences have concluded with all the clergy in attendance going to the front of the arena to be prayed for and applauded by the other men. McCartney has made it an ongoing aim to restore the office of the pastor to one of respect and authority. “Our leadership is wounded, beaten down, and beleaguered,” he says, noting that too often congregations and committees have made pastors afraid to preach the gospel wholeheartedly.
The organization has also sought to strengthen local churches through encouraging the formation of men’s small groups for fellowship and accountability. Says Promise Keepers’ media director Steve Chavis, “All of our success here is contingent upon men taking part in small groups when they return home.” Clearly, the true measure of this present revival of Christian manhood is not the enthusiasm demonstrated during the summer rallies but rather the enduring commitment that will carry men through the year.
Can Promise Keepers make good on its promises? Demanding the establishment of home-grown discipleship and Christian-service groups is a good start, but, like other ministries before it, Promise Keepers could go even further.
If the problems Promise Keepers seeks to combat arise from the Industrial Revolution, a massive structural shift in our society, then ultimately, any solution to those problems must address structural as well as individual issues. The epidemic of fatherlessness is in part a consequence of massive social change. Racism is an institutional evil as well as a matter of individual wrongdoing. Will Promise Keepers itself eventually branch out to develop public-policy arms to support the goal of structural change? For instance, advocating flex-time programs for working fathers or racial- awareness initiatives for young men might be logical extensions of the organization’s current objectives.
As a movement, Promise Keepers has promise: a flexible leadership not concerned with building an empire, a commitment to communicating the basics, a holistic vision for men — encouraging them to be servants at home, at church, and in their community — and a desire to see things happen at a grassroots level. Admirable goals for a still-fledgling ministry. Yet, after several winning summers, it is still being determined how well this game plan is working in the cold off-season months.
If our culture continues in its current state of moral chaos, and if Promise Keepers’ ultimate promises of stable homes, unified communities, and stronger churches begin to be realized, America at large may find that promise-keeping is not just about evangelical religion or male leadership but about truth, responsibility, and agape love — concepts that find their true fruition in the Christian faith.
If Promise Keepers can accomplish this, it will prove itself as not only a men’s movement but also a powerful move of God.
Copyright (c) 1995 Christianity Today, Inc./CHRISTIANITY TODAY Magazine
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