Lessons on Forgiveness

In the Old Testament I like the story of Joseph, particularly its outcome. Joseph is the favored one. The older brothers say, “Dad always liked you best.” In this case it was true. The brothers go out and fake Joseph’s death. They bring back some bloodied clothes and say to their father, “He is dead.” In actuality they have sold him into slavery in Egypt. Time passes. Famine comes to Israel. These brothers are forced to go to Egypt and ask the king for food. Traditionally, the king has been their enemy. Can you imagine the drama of that moment when they lift up their eyes and see their brother? There is an exchange and the very last line is the most important. Joseph looks upon them with the eyes of forgiveness and says, “You intended what you did to me as something that would create evil, but God and I were able to bend it into something good.” You see, the noblest revenge is to forgive your enemy, and it is perhaps the last of the lessons that we learn from Jesus.

The words of Jesus that we would like to duck most are the ones in front of us, the ones about forgiving enemies. They are so difficult. Fred Craddock, a good teacher of New Testament and preaching, was teaching an undergraduate course in Oklahoma on the Gospels of Jesus. He was taking the simple writings of Jesus and putting them plainly in front of his students. There was a girl sitting in the back of the class, and as he came to the part about loving your enemies, she stood up and started slamming her books all around. She started mumbling, “Jesus and the losers. I hate Jesus and the losers. I can’t stand this.” She stuffed her bag and went out still mumbling, “Jesus and a bunch of losers, forgiving their enemies.”

Frederick Buechner said: When somebody you have wronged forgives you, you are spared the dull and self-diminishing throb of a guilty conscience. When you forgive someone who has wronged you, you are spared the dismal corrosion of bitterness and wounded pride for both parties. Forgiveness means the freedom again to be at peace inside your own skin and to be glad in each other’s presence.

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There was a Zen school in Japan. They were training young boys in the discipline of meditation. The boys had been taken into seclusion. Among the boys there was one who kept stealing. So the boys finally put together a petition and brought he thief to the headmaster and stood there and said, “We are threatening right now to leave because we can’t stand this kid any longer.” With wisdom the Zen master approached them, looked at them, and said, “You are wise brothers. You are very wise. You are wise because you know the difference between right and wrong. You may go somewhere else to study if you wish, but this poor brother does not even know right from wrong. Who will teach him if I do not? I am going to keep him here even if all the rest of you leave.” The story goes that a torrent of tears cleansed the face of that boy who had stolen, and the desire to steal was banished from him forever in that decisive moment.

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Resisting Revenge

When we are wronged in some way, our natural inclination is to fight back, to get even. Needless to say, this reaction, though thoroughly human, is almost always in error. “Forgiveness,” said Epictetus, “is better than revenge, for forgiveness is the sign of a gentle nature, but revenge is the sign of a savage nature.”

A dramatic example is the experience of a Hungarian refugee — to protect his privacy we’ll call him Joseph Kudar. Kudar was a successful young lawyer in Hungary before the uprisings in that country in 1956. A strong believer in freedom for his country, he fought Soviet tanks in the streets of Budapest with his friends. When the uprising failed, he was forced to flee the country.

When Kudar arrived in the U.S. he had no money, no job, no friends. He was, however, well educated; he spoke and wrote several languages, including English. For several months he tried to get a job in a law office, but because of his lack of familiarity with American law, he received only polite refusals.

Finally, it occurred to him that with his knowledge of language he might be able to get a job with an import-export company. He selected one such company and wrote a letter to the owner.

Two weeks later he received an answer, but was hardly prepared for the vindictiveness of the man’s reply. Among other things, it said that even if they did need someone, they wouldn’t hire him because he couldn’t even write good English.

Crushed, Kudar’s hurt quickly turned to anger. What right did this rude, arrogant man have to tell him he couldn’t write the language! The man was obviously crude and uneducated — his letter was chock-full of grammatical errors!

Kudar sat down and, in the white heat of anger, wrote a scathing reply, calculated to rip the man to shreds. When he’d finished, however, as he was reading it over, his anger began to drain away. Then he remembered the biblical admonition, “A soft answer turneth away wrath.”

No, he wouldn’t mail the letter. Maybe the man was right. English was not his native tongue. Maybe he did need further study in it. Possibly this man had done him a favor by making him realize he did need to work harder on perfecting his English.

Kudar tore up the letter and wrote another. This time he apologized for the previous letter, explained his situation, and thanked the man for pointing out his need for further study.

Two days later he received a phone call inviting him to New York for an interview. A week later he went to work for them as a correspondent. Later, Joseph Kudar became vice president and executive officer of the company, destined to succeed the man he had hated and sought revenge against for a fleeting moment — and then resisted.

Bits & Pieces, March 31, 1994, pp. 12-15

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Prayer for Enemies

Almighty and tender Lord Jesus Christ,
Just as I have asked you to love my friends
So I ask you to love my enemies.
You alone, Lord, are mighty.
You alone are merciful.
Whatever you make me desire for my enemies,
Give it to them.
And give the same back to me.

If I ever ask for them anything
Which is outside your perfect rule of love,
Whether through weakness, ignorance or malice,
Good Lord, do not give it to them
And do not give it back to me.
You who are the whole truth, correct their errors.
You who are the incarnate word, give life to their souls.
Tender Lord Jesus.

Let me not be a stumbling block to them
Nor a rock of offence.
My sin is sufficient to me, without harming others.
I, a slave to sin,
Beg your mercy on my fellow slaves.
let them, be reconciled with you,
And through you reconciled to me.

Anselm of Canterbury