How to raise a juvenile delinquent:
1. Begin with infancy to give the child everything he wants. In this way he
will grow up to believe the world owes him a living.
2. When he picks up bad words, laugh at him. This will make him think he’s
cute. It will also encourage him to pick up cuter phrases that will blow
off the top of your head later.
3. Never give him any spiritual training. Wait till he is 21 and then let him
decide for himself.
4. Avoid use of the word “wrong”. He may develop a guilt complex. This will
condition him to believe later, when he is arrested for stealing a car
that society is against him and he is being persecuted.
5. Pick up everything he leaves lying around–books, shoes, and clothing. Do
everything for him so he will be experienced in throwing all responsibility
onto others.
6. Let him read any printed matter he can get his hands on. Be careful that
the silverware and drinking glassed are sterilized, but let his mind feast
on garbage. [used Nov 3, 1991]
7. Quarrel frequently in the presence of your children. In this way they will
not be too shocked when the home is broken up later.
8. Give a child all the spending money he wants. Never let him earn his own.
Why should he have things as tough as you had them?
9. Satisfy his every craving for food, drink and comfort. See that every
sensual desire is gratified. Denial may lead to harmful frustration.
10. Take his part against neighbors, teachers and policemen. They are all
prejudiced against your child.
11. When he gets into real trouble, apologize for yourself by saying, “I never
could do anything with him.”
12. Prepare for a life of grief. You will be apt to have it.
[also found in William Barclay, “Ten Commandments,” p. 57]