[Message on alcoholism by a Unitarian and A.A. member; edited by Holwick]
Hi I’m Shari and I’m an alcoholic. I’m sure that most of you are aware that’s the way people introduce themselves in Alcoholics Anonymous. I am introducing myself that way because in most cases one can’t tell who is an alcoholic until they start drinking. You would know I’m an alcoholic if I was drinking with you. I had my first drink when I was 12 with the intention of getting drunk. Since then, whenever I’d drink I had the same results whether I intended to get drunk or not. I wasn’t picky about what I had to drink. I preferred wine or gin, but when I decided I was drinking too much and switched to beer because I didn’t like the taste and the alcohol content was less, I quickly developed a taste for beer and would just drink twice as much. I guess you could say that my drink of choice is “more”.
I am now a member of Alcoholics Anonymous and have not had anything to drink since January of 1999.
After briefly going over the definition of alcoholism and the theories pertaining to its cause, I want to talk about the devastating affects this disease has on the alcoholic, the alcoholic’s family and society. I then want to talk primarily about the spiritual aspects of the twelve steps of AA.
I found many definitions of alcoholism on the Internet, each one seeming to refute the other. The one I thought most descriptive was the one stated by the National Council On Alcoholism And Drug Abuse in February 1999. It states and I quote, “Alcoholism is a primary chronic disease with genetic, psychological, and environmental factors influencing its development and manifestation. It is usually progressive and fatal. It is characterized by continuous or periodic impaired control over drinking, preoccupation with alcohol, use of alcohol dispute adverse consequences, and distortions in thinking. Most notably denial. Researchers have yet to determine its cause.”
As to the cause of alcoholism, researchers have come up with many theories. The web sites are full of them. I think I could have done a boring two-day talk on that subject alone. The medical model includes theories such as genetics, enzyme imbalance, allergy, and metabolic imbalances. Other theories point to psychological problems, learned behavior, or to a combination of unknown causes.
I don’t think it really matters what the cause is because the results are the same. I think what is much more important is to find out why an alcoholic wants to – or does drink again even when all the evidence points to disastrous consequences.
According to the National Council On Alcoholism and Drug Abuse Alcoholism is America’s number one drug problem. Over ten million people are estimated to be alcoholics.
Alcoholism effects not only every aspect of the alcoholic’s life, often ending in psychosis or death due to alcohol-related diseases, but it effects every aspect of society.
Alcoholism is not only an individual’s disease, but is also a family disease in that every family member is effected in some way and as the alcohol’s drinking progresses so do the symptoms. The alcoholic will lie about their drinking or hide it, promise to stop or limit their drinking, drink in inappropriate places and at inappropriate times, stop going to work, show up at work drunk, and lose jobs. These are just an example of some of the symptoms. and they all effect family members in many ways. For instance, devastating disappointments, embarrassment, shame, isolation, guilt and economic insecurity.
I found a story on the Internet that compared alcoholism to a frog in boiling water. If you put a frog in a pan of boiling water it will jump out, but if you put a frog in a pan of water that is body temperature and gradually turn up the heat the frog will stay in the pan until it is boiled alive because it doesn’t notice the gradual increase in temperature.
The progressive nature of alcoholism is like that. It can start out with the alcoholic having just a little too much to drink once in awhile, then slowly escalate to uncontrolled drinking where the alcoholic’s behavior has become more and more intolerable. Yet it is still being accepted and has become the norm. Family members have learned to cover for the alcoholic, to lie, hide the truth and keep secrets no matter how bad the insanity and chaos is around them.
The heat increased so gradually over such an extended period of time that no one realized the water was starting to boil.
Besides effecting families, alcoholism effects literally every aspect of our society. In April of 98 the U.S. Justice Dept. reported that alcohol abuse was a factor in 40% of violent crime in the U.S. Almost 50% of rapists had been drinking when they committed their assault, nearly 40% of the prison population have a tendency to alcohol abuse, almost 50% of murders are linked to excessive alcohol consumption. It’s also estimated that alcohol is implicated in 25 to 50% of mistreatment of women, and in 20% of cases of mistreatment of children.
A study done in a young offenders institution showed 79% alcohol abusers against 23% in a control population of adolescents in mainstream schools.
According to the highway traffic administration over 20% of all traffic fatalities in the US each year are caused by drunk drivers.
The National Institute on Alcohol and Drug Abuse estimated that the economic cost to society each year due to alcohol abuse and its related problems 89.5 billion dollars. Most were the effects on health. A special cost considered separately is the cost of fetal alcohol syndrome. These costs were estimated at 1.6 billion.
47 out of 100 alcoholics die from the damaging effects of alcohol on their health, 18 by homicide, 17 by accidents, 11 by suicide, and only 7 by natural causes.
What can’t be measured is the tremendous amount of emotional and spiritual suffering caused by this disease.
I didn’t find any statistics as to how many alcoholics find their way to treatment but I think there are more than in the past because as more people learn about alcoholism and recognize it as a disease less people try to push it under the rug hoping it will just go away.
There are many types of treatment available today and most are covered by insurance. The one’s I know about use and recommend the self help – 12 step program of Alcoholics Anonymous. There are treatment’s that don’t use AA and I know of people who have stayed sober with out the help of AA, but since AA is what worked for me that is what I will talk about.
First I’d like to say that whatever I say about AA is only my opinion, and not as an authority on the program.
The beginning of AA was in Akron, Ohio in June of 1935 during a discussion between an alcoholic stockbroker – Bill Wilson and an alcoholic physician Bob Smith who believed that in order to stay sober they must pursue a spiritual remedy and also help other alcoholics. In 1939 the first basic text for the program was written and became known as the Big Book, and they started calling themselves Alcoholics Anonymous, which is the actual title of the Big Book. By March of 41 the membership shot up to 2,000 largely due to a dinner held by John D Rockefeller, Jr. An article in the Satuday Evening Post by Jack Alexander helped make AA a national institution by the close of 1941. As the twelve steps were the principles by which the individual alcoholic could live, principles evolved by which the AA groups and AA as a whole could survive and function effectual. These principles became known as the twelve traditions of AA. The substance of which is that no alcoholic could be excluded, that the leaders might serve but never govern, that each group was to be autonomous, no professional class of therapy, no dues or fees – only voluntary contributions, all members must be anonymous at the level of radio, press, TV and films, and under no circumstances give endorsements, make alliances or enter public controversy. AA is not a religious organization nor does it take any particular medical point of view – but does to a great extent, cooperate with the medical profession. Alcoholism, being no respect of persons, AA is a cross section of all ethnic groups across the US and is now in most other countries.
In fact, in 1982 I went to an AA meeting in Tel Aviv, Israel. It was held in a bomb shelter – a bit different. The people were very welcoming and friendly. The meeting format was pretty much the same as were the feelings shared. A really nice aspect of AA is that no matter where one travels there is a supportive and welcoming group.
Membership in AA continues to grow each year. According to the “Big Book” about 50% who come to AA stay sober, and 25% get sober after some relapse. I have heard several different variations of these statistics in meetings. The one I like best is that the program works 100% of the time for those who work it.
The first time I attended a meeting of AA was in the summer of 1980 in LA. I liked AA, but went only to large speaker meetings where I didn’t have to share anything about myself. I ignored the steps primarily because they mentioned God so much and I didn’t and still don’t believe in God as a separate Supreme Being. I pretty much used AA as a social club. I stayed sober for almost a year. Actually I should say dry because nothing else besides not drinking changed in my life. I ended up drinking again because I was still relying on old attitudes and behavior and had not learned any new coping mechanisms. Instead I did what many alcoholics do, I told myself it would be different this time, that I could handle it. There’s a saying in AA which states that the definition of insanity is repeating the same behavior and expecting different results. Well, according to that definition I was definitely insane. By January of 99 I realized that I had to make some changes in my life and that I wasn’t going to be able to do it by will power alone. I went back to AA and started taking a more serious look at the steps. I realized that I didn’t have to accept God as an external Supreme Being, but could view God as simply an inner power or strength that I call my higher self. I agree with both Carl Jung and Bill Wilson who said, “The obsession to drink comes from a misguided effort to satisfy what is in essence a spiritual thirst, a thirst only satisfied by establishing and maintaining a contact with the healing power and creative energy within the inner psyche.” I’m learning that the Twelve Steps were about growing up and accepting life on life’s terms which enables me to be in greater harmony with the world around me.
I believe the Twelve Steps are designed to promote spiritual and emotional growth which requires honest self-appraisal and commitment for changing ways of thinking and acting that helps me avoid reliance on beliefs that keep me from accepting responsibility for my life.
Step 1
Admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable.
I had to admit that my drinking had become an essential part of my life and that the capacity to control it was lost. I had to accept on an emotional and spiritual level, not just on an intellectual level that continued drinking would only cause disastrous effects for me and those around me.
I had to accept on an emotional and spiritual lever, not just on an intellectual level that I can’t rely on chemicals for quick fixes and that my life is unmanageable because I had come to act in opposition to the realities of life, not tolerating life’s normal frustrations and discomforts.
Step 2
Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
For me this means that a transforming relationship with my higher self, a power within me that is greater and more inclusive than my restricted self identity allows me to become integrated and at peace with the universe around me.
At first I thought being restored to sanity referred to drinking, but I’ve learned that alcoholism is only superficially a matter of excess drinking, that the drinking is only a symptom of one’s distorted perception and experience of reality contributing to emotional distress and unhappiness.
Gregory Benson wrote in “Cybernetics of Self” that alcoholics hold deep unconscious attitudes and beliefs that prevent them from entering that place of spiritual peace. Alcohol brings about a shift in consciousness, a distorted experience of the underlying unity of all things.
I believe that the twelve steps are suggested as a path to alter those attitudes and beliefs. Alcoholic insanity.
Step 3
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to God as we understood Him.
When read literally it appears that step three is asking a person to give up all responsibility for one’s actions and life to a supernatural source, but I believe it requires a decision to change the basis on which we live our lives. It’s not an invitation to passivity and irresponsibility but calls for us to take personal responsibility for our own life choices. For me this means shifting my exclusive identification exclusively with a restricted self image to include my higher self.
Metanoia; a Greek word meaning turning, refers to a complete transformation of one’s way of being including the motivations on which one acts in the world. I think the spiritual awakening promised in the Big Book is an experience of metanoia, a process of psyche death and rebirth into a new way of living.
So, while the AA literature seems to express the religious belief of white Protestant men writing in the thirties and forties I think it’s possible to pursue deeper more universal truths below the surface.
Step 4
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
This step requires acting on the decision made in step three I learned that writing a moral inventory is not to fight or defeat something bad in myself but to help me accept and integrate those elements of my psyche that I’d misdirected. This approach allows me to develop ways of understanding and working with these aspects of my life without falling back into the black and white thinking that contributed to my problems in the first place.
I believe that spiritual growth results from engaging in practices through which my character defects are transformed and integrated and recognizing that we are all a mixture of positives and negatives.
Carl Jung stated that psycho-spiritual growth can only take place through reconciliation rather than inner conflict.
I believe my spiritual path is one of reconciliation in my encounters with the world around me and within myself. Rather than fighting to rid myself of what seems unacceptable or bad, my goal is to free the energy bound by fear so that the creative forces behind these fears can be channeled into more healing pursuits.
For me the healing work of the twelve step program is a process for becoming whole and that integrating character defects begins with acceptance, not judgment.
Step 5
Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
For me this is important because isolation has been a major component in my life, as I think it tends to be in the life of many alcoholics. By allowing another person into this venture of soul searching I am allowing another person to know my inner nature.
Isolation doesn’t just mean avoiding social engagements, it also means building and maintaining a false self which hinders socialization and causes feelings of unworthiness.
As Carl Jung said, “confession and catharsis are more than release of dammed up emotions, they involve the surrender of one’s entire isolationist and defensive stance against humanity.”
Step 6
Were entirely ready to Have God remove these defects of character
This step in conjunction with step 7 which says; “We humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings” require me to let go of old protective devices erected over many years to protect myself from emotional harm and allows me to grow free of what the poet Robert Bly calls “The long bag we drag behind us.” Steps six and seven helps me become less driven to act in automatic and obsolete ways to other people and events.
I see these two steps as a further commitment to putting my faith and trust in the inner power of my higher self and growing in the capacity to choose and become more accepting of the person I am at the present.
Step 8
Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
Step 8, along with step 9 which says, “Made direct amends to such people wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others” helps me move beyond blaming which perpetuates the illusion that the past is the problem and cuts me off from the freedom of forgiveness of others. It doesn’t mean I condone harmful acts against me, but that I no longer wish to let resentment and guilt rule my life.
Forgiveness means resolution. To make amends is to forgive, to forgive is to complete the work of the past so we can experience the present.
Preparing to face those harmed means surrendering guilt, suspicion and resentments and increases the capacity for compassion.
In step eight we list the names of people with whom we were unreliable, dishonest, and abusive. In step nine we take whatever action is appropriate to repair the damage we’ve done. This allows me to live more lightly and gently in the world and allows me to bring more love and compassion to myself and others.
Step 10
We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
For me this step involves a daily attempt to relate in unharmful ways to others. It makes recovery a daily practice providing a basis for making reasonable decisions and carrying them out in all areas of our lives. We recover our integrity, our ability to decide and act in a manner consistent with our values.
Step 11
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for the knowledge of his will and the power to carry it out.
This step tells me that as long as I work at keeping a conscious contact with my higher self I see the world differently and am able to be more understanding of other people and more intimate with my own thoughts and feelings.
The essence of step eleven is captured by T. S. Elliot in a poem from “Four Quarters” –
I said to my soul be still, and wait without hope,
for hope would be hope for the wrong thing;
Wait without love, for love would be love for the wrong thing;
There is yet faith,
but the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting.
Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought.
So the darkness shall be the light and the stillness the dancing.”
Step 12
Having had a spiritual awaking as a result of these steps we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and practice these principles in all our affairs.
This step tells me that having established and maintaining a contact with the healing power within, I am able to care about and help someone who is suffering, while at the same time letting go of the need to have them be other than who they are.
In addition to suggesting that we carry the message to other alcoholics, step twelve encourages us to continue practicing the principles of all the steps on a daily basis for the rest of my life. In so doing, step twelve becomes not the end, but proves to be a new beginning.
T. S. Elliot in “Burnt Norton” from “Four Quarters” sums it up nicely: “We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.”
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