Good article on dealing with difficult people, especially in ministry.
I. Dealing with difficult people.
A. Example of Liz, who was absorbed in self-hate and responded
with a razor-like tongue.
1) Being burned by someone in life. (She had bitter divorce.)
2) Dwelling on grudges and negatives.
B. Being catered to with no expectations or boundaries.
1) Selfishness is endemic in our society.
2) Selfish people find it hard to relate to others.
C. Raised in negative atmosphere.
1) Intolerance and hatred.
2) Vengeance and assigning blame.
3) Family background doesn’t force us into a bad mold, but is
a definite influence.
D. God’s people should be a sanctuary for difficult people.
1) God has a special love for cast-offs. Luke 15
2) We should not be hard-hearted or tightfisted. Ex 23:6;
Dt 15:7-9
3) Not caring for needy brings us under judgment. Jer 2:34
4) Bring in the poor. Lk 14:21
5) Don’t just love your own. Too easy! Mat 5:46
II. Positive ways to handle difficult people.
A. Be personal and loving.
1) One-on-one attention works best.
a) Don’t fight with them.
b) Don’t ignore them or run away.
c) Some problems DON’T work themselves out on own.
2) Few people want to be difficult.
a) Most have not had someone with enough love and courage
to be honest with them.
b) Challenge them directly, and they may respond.
3) A loving person can make a world of difference.
a) Humbly apply the Bible so that sinful behavior patterns
can be identified and discouraged.
b) Encourage growth in godliness.
4) Have a vision for who the person can become in Christ,
rather than just want to “fix” them.
B. Set clearly understood limits and consequences.
1) Improper flirter has to be confronted.
2) Most people are uncomfortable with confronting others.
a) We have to remember that those who are not sensitive
enough to recognize normal limits often need help
in learning what those limits are.
b) When confronting is done with gentleness, love, and
perseverance the Holy Spirit can make great use of
our boldness.
3) Learning to live within boundaries when you’ve never had
them is a painful process.
a) Most people do not enter into boundaries without
incentives.
b) That’s why pointing out the logical, natural consequences
of their behavior is so important in helping them
learn.
C. Make the person responsible for their actions.
1) Difficult people want to shift blame rather than accept
responsibility.
a) Current trends in counseling encourage shifting blame.
1> Blame parents, etc.
b) After a lifetime of victimization, how can anyone
expect us to change?
2) God calls us to obedience in spite of any difficulties we
may face.
a) To grow out of bad behavior, only we are responsible.
b) Do not allow others to excuse their sin as someone else’s
fault.
c) Harboring bitterness keeps us from God, and from others
as well.
D. Expect change.
1) God can transform lives. Rom 12:2
2) Realize that weakness in one person affects all of us.
3) Expectations give us something to grow toward.
a) Just remember we cannot DEMAND change.
b) Free people always have option to go own way.
c) Nabal himself stayed rigid, died from fright. 1 Sam 25:38