He preaches with the fervor of a prophet. She sings like an angel. Together they are so dynamic it’s difficult to believe they have each experienced a bitter divorce and custody battle — with each other.
On the outside, the Forehand family once seemed perfect. Dale was a successful businessman, a deacon at First Baptist Church in Trussville, Alabama, and a Sunday school teacher. Jena, an accomplished soloist, immersed herself in choir activities and raised their two children, Cole and Jorja. But on the inside, the Forehands marriage was dying.
Married couples, Dale said, “are looking to their spouses with unrealistic expectations, so they get very disappointed when these are not met.” This disappointment often leads to a demand that needs be met by a spouse, he said, and when this doesn’t happen, the spouses feel defeated and many quit.
Dale knows the defeat all too well, because in July 1996, Dale packed Jena’s bags and told her to leave their suburban home in Birmingham. What ensued the following 15 months was a showdown in the courtroom for custody of Cole and Jorja, with each parent seeking full rights and each lawyer seeking victory.
Jena said she was not shocked Dale asked her to leave their home. “I can’t say it was a major surprise, because our home had the arguments and the bickering and the anger had risen to a high point,” she told the Alabama Baptist. “We had gotten so angry and tired.”
While waiting for the court date, the Forehands lived in the same home, which became their prison. Dale lived in the master bedroom while Jena shared bunk beds with Cole.
The day finally arrived when they would bring their battle to the court. With loaded emotions, the Forehands listened to each ripping word, calculating the next move. In the end, they were given joint custody. Dale and Jena each left the room feeling destroyed.
Then the unbelievable happened. Four months after the courtroom battle, Jena called Dale and an argument started. Instead of fighting, Jena asked Dale to come get her so they could repair their relationship.
“I chose to reveal myself that day so that Dale could briefly peek into my heart,” Jena explained. “I think it was the Holy Spirit speaking through me.”
She said couples get to a point where they are stripped to their bare souls when experiencing struggles.
“We had such intense pain and hurt from each other, and the thought of continuing this relationship was devastating,” Jena said. But she believes God allowed the experience to happen because it forced each person to look inward. “I had to look at what things in my life did not reflect Jesus.”
In 1997, Dale and Jena were remarried. Symbolizing the beginning of a new marriage but a remembrance of the first, Dale and Jena took the original stone from her wedding ring and put it in a new setting.
That day, Cole told his parents he wanted to know Christ as Savior. The couple prayed together for the salvation of their son.
“We have learned and continue to learn to find our fulfillment, need and satisfaction in a deep relationship with Christ,” Jena said. “It is out of this relationship we have something to give to our spouses.”
Dale said a “stained-glass marriage” gave birth to Stained Glass Ministries, their joint ministry. The name is adapted from a song by Clay Crosse illustrating an old stained-glass window in the attic of a church that is brought out, cleaned up and placed back in the light.
“As I listened to this song, it was our story,” Dale said. “Our first marriage had become dirty and dusty, full of pains and stains, but when the grace of God moved in our hearts and his light shone through, what a beautiful work of art we had just experienced.”
It was Valentine’s Day in 1998 when Dale and Jena first told the world of their experience. “As God burned that entire experience in our hearts, we knew then the Scripture that spoke of what man had intended for evil, God had turned for good,” Dale said.
Today Dale and Jena lead marriage conferences and speak across the country. They also have written a book titled “Stained Glass Marriage” detailing their experience and offering insight into developing a quality marriage.
The Forehands feel it is important to share their story. Dale recently left his career of seven years in property management to devote his full time to the ministry. “Too many folks sitting in the pew are wearing masks, afraid to be real, share their struggles and ask for help,” he said.
“We have bought into the lie that if you are a Christian, you are supposed to be perfect. If this were true we would not need Jesus,” Dale said. The best advice Dale and Jena offer to couples is extensive premarital counseling. “Let [God’s] character become yours, then flesh that out with the ones you love.”
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Theresa Shadrix is a correspondent for the Alabama Baptist.